Still not sure if this is one word or two but… yesterday I thought about “rubbernecking”. And, obviously it is still with me today.

Yesterday I was watching a film called “The Crucible”. Well, I was actually watching it and a film called “What Women Love” sort of simultaneously (or as congruently as commercial breaks would allow). I had already seen “The Crucible” and I remembered liking it. I had not seen “What Women Love”, wasn’t sure that I would like it but sure didn’t want to miss the chance of finding out what I love :o) Anyway… “The Crucible”…

“The Crucible” takes place in Salem at the time of the infamous “witch hunts”. The film is about power — the power of belief, the power of group, the power of want (which often seems to warp into the wanting of power). Quite reminiscent of the book “Lord of the Flies” actually (which I did “love” as a book and which “What Women Love” did not mention :o) This “crowd frenzy phenomenon” is what I thought I was once again watching “The Crucible” for.

This time though I guess my brain didn’t need to learn any more about horrific witch hunting deeds and I was “differently” struck by a scene that saw a bunch of the townsfolk standing, watching, walking to watch, gathering to simply watch what was going on. Rather than thinking “How horrible. Everyone is just watching these horrible things.” (as I likely did the first time round), I thought “Oh what a simpler time… How wonderful to have time to ‘simply’ watch.” Then I heard myself think “Ummm… simpler time? Witch hunts?”

The film continued. My thoughts continued. “How wonderful to be in a community that is watching.” popped in. I guess I was sort of okay with the “what” of what they were watching by putting this down to “history” and past, less evolved “things”. But then I was hit by the thought that in our today’s society it is actually viewed as impolite and rather uncouth to notice, slow down, be obviously interested in anyone else’s “stuff”.

We have even invented many new terms around this since the time of the witch hunts… “eavesdropping”, “listening in”, “voyeurism”, “nosey” and, when done on the highway we call this “rubbernecking”. Traffic reporters sigh when they announce a slow down somewhere caused not by an accident but by the rubbernecking that happens as a result of the accident. And I know that I have worked very hard to not look, to not slow down traffic, to not inconvenience anyone through my curiosity. So… now I want to know… what was I thinking? What are we thinking?

Not only do we pretend to live in weatherless and seasonless times — our schedules are supposed to be “identical” year round and we certainly complain loud enough when the roads carry any signs of “weather” that do indeed inconvenience us — but we consider it impolite to stop and consider anyone else’s disaster or joy.

I know that when I am driving anywhere and the person in front of me slows down to obviously check out something to the side of the road, my first thought varies according to “location” and/or “time”. On driving through some town my first thought is of someone retired with time on their hands who has forgotten that the rest of us have some place to go. On driving on the highway my first thought is of the uncouthness of rubbernecking. On driving on Sunday my first thought is of “Oh no… Sunday drivers”. And when I get to wherever I’m going much of my time is spent trying to figure out how to make people more aware, more caring, more inclusive. Pretty funny isn’t it?

And, you know what the film “What Women Love” was all about? Well… it was about how wonderful our relationships with men — in particular — would be if men could actually hear what we women were really thinking. Or seen another way… how much easier it would all be if the gap between who we are on the inside and who we are on the outside were actually infinitesmally small and if someone else actually cared enough, slowed down enough to “see” and “hear” and “consider”. (Like “Living Out Loud”, like the game “Things”, like “rubbernecking”, like, like, like…)

So… umm…. yes? Yes.

I have for a long time now actually been convinced that if we knew regardless-whose “story”, we — each of us, all of us — would wish this person well. And, noticeably, the notion of “like” (or “dislike”) doesn’t matter in that scenario. The idea of wishing each other “well” does.

So, to this end, here’s a thought… I now think (and hope) that the “first thoughts” I mentionned above have seen their “last” manifestations in me. I will shift my view to how wonderful it is that people are still curious about other people, their town, the scenery… our earth.

And, here’s another thought… perhaps the next step then is to actually have everyone stop and help when some disaster happens “only” to someone else, to some town, to some scenery. Then perhaps we can all stop racing off to wherever it is we are racing to and simply celebrate where we already are.

p.s. I realized after posting this that the second film’s title was “What Women Want” and that somewhere along the way I changed this to “Love”. Probably this is because I do think that “what women want” equals “what we love” (which is not the same thing as answering “Love” to the question “What do women want?” :o)