One of the things I learned over the holidays came through a lovely evening at my best friend’s parents’ house followed by another interesting evening at my parents’ place and a game called “Things” (I think :o)

My friend’s family was celebrating their Christmas and I dropped in post-dinner and pre-dessert (youpie!! and, yes, I had been invited :o) When the men left the table to watch some sports thing and the women settled in with another glass or cup of their preferred-at-this-moment beverage, the kids came “back” brandishing what looked like one of their Christmas presents.

Now we all know this moment. I’m sure of it.

The box-with-the-still-sharp-corners that was being held high in the air was one of “those” social gathering games. The kind that look like a good idea when you’re at the store thinking about the holidays and imagining a lovely evening with everyone having fun playing. The same kind that seem like too much work once the cellophane is off, the instructions are read, the men are in front of a television somewhere and you’re just settling in with a post-“it all” glass or cup of your preferred-at-this-moment beverage. But… these kids were persistent, were using “gang power”, had voices that carried well and, well, eventually the women relented.

(It’s amazing that kids know that they only need to manage pulling one woman out of the “oh… adult time” moment in order to have their way. In times like this they will usually go for the woman who purchased the game or, if it happens that this woman is the mom of the delegated spokesperson and the spokesperson is not 100% in his/her mom’s favour at the moment, they will alternately go for the woman deemed the most sympathetic to “kids” — read “the woman with the most time on her hands during ‘normal’ days”. If they manage to pull this one, single woman “out”, her snap back to reality will pull another woman away and out. And this woman’s pulling out will pull another one out. And, well, so the wave continues. Women use gang power too but we tend to call it “social responsibility” :o)

Back to the game… In the game “Things” everyone takes turns being “the asker”. This “asker” asks a question that is pre-printed on one of the many game cards. Everyone else playing writes their answer to the question on a their own small slip of paper that they then fold and put into the asker’s “box”. Once all of the answers are “in”, the asker reads everyone’s answers out loud (twice :o) and then people, in turn, try – out loud – to match response with writer.

If the person-whose-turn-it-is-to-guess correctly identifies a match, they score a point and continue trying to “match”. If they incorrectly match (or can’t remember any more answers), their turn is over and is passed along. And, when someone is correctly identified as the writer of an answer, they are “out”. The last person still “in” wins some number of points and “the asker” passes his/her role on to the next person. That’s it. Sounds simple, right? Well, wrong. The game cards have things like “Things to not say to your children.”, “Name someone whom you would like to be like.”, “What one thing would you ask the devil?” Umm… okay…

We think about these types of things (I’m pretty sure) but we rarely speak of them. And maybe by nature, maybe due to the time pressure, coming up with “real” and not made-up answers is what people (read “women and children”) seem to go for. So… coming up with answers is tough. Remembering the answers that were read out loud (twice :o) is tough. And if you are lucky enough to remember an answer, matching it to an individual is way harder than can be imagined.

So… and… but… it was great. Interesting. Funny. Surprising. Wonderfully intimate. Just like we women and children like it :o) And, to be fair, it was actually intimacy as we all like it. The men had the excuse of cookies to bring them to the table and the sports-whatever when they wanted to leave (usually when they had been sitting with us long enough to obviously understand the rules but who remembered the sports-whatever when asked to play themselves :o) Anyway… it was great and the next morning I described all of this to my own parents and children.

My mom and daughter were immediately interested and my daughter and I planned a way to play this in a makeshift manner. So… after our dinner we (minus my son who had some “thing” he needed to watch on television but including my father who loves games) sat to play.

In our version everyone had to come up with five questions (that they would be the asker for). Everyone had to answer (there were way fewer of us to play). And we wrote things down on little pieces of paper that my daughter had cut up. And we started. And we played all night. And… what a learning experience. We still speak of it and… I am still surprised by one of my own answers to one of my own questions.

My question was “What is one of your favourite things to do?” I wrote this question thinking that it would be easy. We all have favourite things to do and I was curious about what my family would write. I didn’t really consider my own answer at all. Yet it was, for me, the most surprising of all.

I didn’t answer “drink coffee” (which I love). I didn’t write “read” (which I love). I didn’t write “dance” (which I love). I didn’t write “listen to the ocean” (which I love). I didn’t write a whole bunch of things that I do (often or not) and that I love. I wrote “to think”. And I was absolutely right.

It is, I realize now, one of my two most favourite things to do. This changes much. And add this to some advice I received recently and, well, this was/is life changing.

The advice was “Learn to differentiate enthusiasm from intent.” (advice very well suited to me). I do love to think. I am incredibly enthusiastic. And, being enthusiastic about something does not mean that it is necessarily an intention. (Perhaps this has something to do with the incredible pressure I have always felt about not having enough time. Do you think? :o)

So, the short of the long of it… “Things” and friends and family — a combination that I thought I would enthusiastically and intentionally recommend :o)